Defrazzling your Marriage

 

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow

~Erma Bombeck

In a hurry? Jump right to the part you need:

Ahhh, sweet love is in the air and romance is alive and well - or not! One of the biggest stressors in a woman's life is a bumpy marriage: the worse the marriage, the higher her stress level; the better the marriage, the more a mom can cope with.

I know first hand many of the struggles of marriage. I married later in life (30) after a crazy, independent life as a performing artist. I married a man from another culture (very conservative Irish) and one could also say he spoke another language. Believe it or not, British English has a few complications for us North Americans. In fact, we often spoke German at the beginning of our marriage (we'd met in Germany where Tom - my husband - worked as my sound engineer) because it was easier for us to understand each other's meaning that way!

In our marriage we've had our battles - my black and white “this is the ONLY right way to do it” mentality, depression on both sides, severe loneliness as we lived on a completely different continent and in a completely different country from friends and family, work stress, serious fatigue issues, financial stress, and the list goes on. I've had to do a lot of growing up and a lot of “gentling” (compassion is not one of my natural gifts, unfortunately!) We've both had to learn how to listen and carefully communicate our needs. And we've learned the gentle art of compromise.

To build a good marriage takes time. Trouble is we're all so busy that it's hard to find the time to invest in our marriages. They usually come last after the kids, and our own need for rest (“not tonight honey, I have a headache” - right?)

But moms, our marriages are critical to our own health, our husband's health, and especially the health of our children. Read why:

Why should we invest in our marriages?

For the sake of our kids: On the downside:

    1. 75% of children/adolescents in chemical dependency hospitals are from single-parent families. (Center for Disease Control, Atlanta, GA)

    2. 1 out of 5 children have a learning, emotional, or behavioral problem due to the family system changing. (National Center for Health Statistics)

    3. More than one half of all youths incarcerated for criminal acts lived in one-parent families when they were children. (Children's Defense Fund)

    4. 63% of suicides are individuals from single parent families (FBI Law Enforcement Bulletin - Investigative Aid) "Separation, divorce and unmarried parenthood seemed to be a high risk for children/adolescents in these families for the development of suicidal behavior". (Atilla Turgay, M.D.American Psychiatric Association's Scientific Meeting, May 1994)

    5. 75% of teenage pregnancies are adolescents from single parent homes (Children in need: Investment Strategies...Committee for Economic Development) (Quoted from: Rainbows.org)

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On the Upside:

Benefits of Healthy Marriages: For Children and Youth:

Researchers have found many benefits for children and youth who are raised by parents in healthy marriages, compared to unhealthy marriages, including the following:

    1. More likely to attend college

    2. More likely to succeed academically

    3. Physically healthier

    4. Emotionally healthier

    5. Less likely to attempt or commit suicide

    6. Demonstrate less behavioral problems in school

    7. Less likely to be a victim of physical or sexual abuse

    8. Less likely to abuse drugs or alcohol

    9. Less likely to commit delinquent behaviors

    10.Have a better relationship with their mothers and fathers

    11.Decreases their chances of divorcing when they get married

    12.Less likely to become pregnant as a teenager, or impregnate someone

    13.Less likely to be sexually active as teenagers

    14.Less likely to contract STD's

    15.Less likely to be raised in poverty

    (From the Administration for Children and Families)

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And for ourselves:

The benefits of a healthy marriage have been carefully studied for decades. Statistically, people who are happily married live longer than do their single counterparts. They have lower rates of heart failure, cancer and other diseases and develop tighter networks of emotional support.

According to one Harvard University study, married women are 20 percent less likely than are single women to die of a variety of causes, including heart disease, suicide and cirrhosis of the liver. Married men enjoy an even greater benefit - they're two to three times less likely to die of such causes than are single men. Statistics have also shown married people are less likely to be victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and other violent crimes. (quoted from The Mayo Clinic's “Healthy Marriage” article)

If your marriage has fallen apart, DON'T KICK YOURSELF OVER IT.

That would be even worse. Forgive yourself, forgive your ex-husband, and move on.

If you're in a marriage right now that needs a little help, here are some great resources!

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Little Tips

Your marriage is mostly good, but it just needs a little sizzle?

  • Get some mentoring. Let me work with you to set up a program just for you, to help you bring some freshness to your marriage! Click here for details.

Here are some articles that can help:

Great links:

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Some Great Books on Romance:

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Middle Tips

Your marriage has hope, but it's starting to flounder. Here are some products to give you a bit of a boost:

  • Get some mentoring. Let me work with you to set up a program just for you, to help you create a better marriage! Click here for details.

Ebooks:

Regular Books:

Some Great Articles:

Here's a link to lots of great marriage resources:

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“Oh My Goodness I Need Serious Help!” Tips

If your marriage is in serious trouble you need to seek some professional help. This website cannot possibly give you all the assistance you need to heal a really broken marriage.

There is always, hope, however! Here are some places that you can start looking for help:

Great Links:

Some very helpful books:

Legal Disclaimer:

Information on this Web site is provided for information purposes only, and is not to be considered as professional advice. Any medical/financial/legal information obtained from this Web site should be reviewed with an appropriate certified professional to determine its applicability to your particular situation. Great care has been taken to maintain the accuracy of the information provided however, Mom-Defrazzler.com, and their employees are not responsible for errors or any untoward consequences arising from your use of this information.© 2006-Present

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Have you picked up a copy of my
FREE
Mom-Defrazzler "Tips Messenger"?

It's 52 tips, resources, ideas, and "step-by-step" to make your mothering life easier, and it pops up once a week on your computer.

You will also receive a free, super short "Tip" to simplify your life, or a "Giggle" to make it more fun, every four days in your e-mail,

ALL FOR FREE!

Don't miss out! Sign up below!
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We hate spam as much as you do!
Your information is safe with us.
We will never share, lend, or sell it to anyone else.